shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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