omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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