The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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