I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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