I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
