he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
