I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
