Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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