In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
