am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
