The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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