i already hear my dad disowning me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Randomize
