bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
