You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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