i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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