I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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