Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
