I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize