i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
