The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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