if only i could text you this smell
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
