I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
