Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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