If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
