I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize