hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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