Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
