I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I just put wine in my tea
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
