I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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