the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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