If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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