Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
