I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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