I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
