If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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