he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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