I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will be naked everywhere
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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