My nipple is on Facebook.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
