I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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