I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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