So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
