I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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