It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
