Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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