He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
