I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
