I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
