Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
