Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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