In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
