I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
