is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
