can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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