We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
