I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
