UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
