He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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