i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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