i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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