somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
