its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
