I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
